I watched you for a long time before we got together. My friends kept saying I should meet you, that I’d love you, that afterward I’d have no idea how we’d existed apart for so long. I’ve been set up before, so I was reluctant. Skeptical. But I decided to give you a try. I purchased a menstrual cup.
The first two months were a little rocky. We had to feel each other out, you and I. You let me down a few times, but I was pretty sure it was my fault, not yours. Turned out, I was right. Once I figured out how to handle you, how to work with you instead of against you, it was like we were meant to be — a beautifully choreographed dance with a partner who made me feel completely secure.
We fell out of touch for a little while, you and I, and I don’t remember why. But I felt your absence, and when we finally reconnected it was like we’d never been apart.
You’re my favorite partner for running and swimming, and I’ll never go to the beach with anyone but you.
When others find out we’re together, the news is generally met with a mix of curiosity and revulsion. Not that this comes up that much, but still. You know how it is. Girlfriends talk. Anyway. You’re the best thing that ever happened to my period, and I’ll tell you why:
- There is no leaking.
- There is significantly reduced risk of toxic shock syndrome.
- There is no awkward itching or dryness.
- There is no string someone can yank out in the Target bathroom while commenting loudly on how you sometimes have red come out in the toilet. (Oh, wait, just me? See also, going ANYWHERE with children under 5 during your period.)
- There is no “running out,” because I buy you once and you’re good for 5-10 years. Even if I replace you annually I’m still in good shape.
- Even BuzzFeed thinks you’re awesome.
What I paid for you would have gotten me less than four boxes of my preferred tampons. If a woman changes her tampon at the recommended intervals, she’ll likely go through somewhere between 12 and 30 tampons in a single cycle — plus pantyliners, which I no longer need to use because did I mention the no-leaking part?
I’m clearly way ahead in cost savings at this point no matter how you slice it.
You’re even making life-altering improvements for women in developing countries because of your awesomeness.
Thank you for making my period no big deal. It took from age 12 to age 32 before I finally got the hang of it, but thanks to you I no longer mind my monthly visitor. Keep up the good work.
With love and appreciation,
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