And That’s Why We Don’t Talk About Other People’s Bodies

by Kristen King

You know that thing where kids just say adorable stuff all the time? Yeah. Mine don’t do that. They say funny things, sure. But mostly they just hurt my feelings. For instance, by following me into the bathroom despite my protests that I want to pee alone, and then adding insult to injury by telling me, “Mommy, your butt is squishy. Also your tummy.” Thanks, jerk.

I swear Emmett thought he was paying me a big compliment when he told me I had big feet. He was trying on my shoes, very impressed with how grown up I am. And as the words, “Wow, mommy, your feet are so big!” are coming out of his mouth, I’m thinking to myself, “Aww, childlike wonder. How precious.” And then he follows it up with, “Just like your nose.” And I’m like, “ARE YOU SERIOUS RIGHT NOW?”

It doesn’t seem to matter how many times we remind them not to make personal remarks. It never really sinks in. I do recall my brother (sorry, bro!) doing this well into later elementary school. Things like, “MOMMY! WHY IS THAT MAN SO FAT?” in the checkout line at Shop Rite. We had an incident in the men’s locker room (to be clear: I heard about it over dinner later that day) when Miles asked why a man had such a big tummy.

“Did you tell him he had a big tummy too?” I asked Emmett?

“No,” he said, very seriously. “I told him boys have nipples and girls have nipples.”

Insert facepalm hashtag here.

So I guess I need to just buckle up and hope people have a sense of humor, bad hearing, or both. Don’t mind me as I cringe quietly. I answer every question and remark about other people with, “People come in all different shapes, sizes, and colors. Hey! Look! Candy!”

What’s the most mortifying thing your kids have said in public? Or at least, the most mortifying thing they’ve said this week? Leave a comment.

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Kristen King (aka, Mommy-in-Training) is a red-headed, glasses-wearing, wine-drinking, perpetually undercaffeinated writer and twin mom from the Tampa metro area, and founder of AmateurParenting.com. She and her husband, Jesse (aka, Daddy-in-Training) have fraternal boys born in December 2011, two dogs, and a cat. They are Independent Herbalife Distributors and Wellness Coaches. Meet the whole AmateurParenting.com team on our About page.

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