At my six-week postpartum follow-up appointment, I had lost 40 lbs from the day I delivered Emmett and Miles. I was 20 lbs below my pre-pregnancy weight. I was also still 20 lbs higher than my “happy weight,” but still thinner than I had been in years of back-t0-back pregnancies and stressful day-to-day life. During my pregnancy, I was grateful for the extra “padding” that helped me and my babies survive 8 months of nonstop puking. Afterward, I was over it, but the weight didn’t really get the message to move on.
Unfortunately my weight crept back up another 10 lbs, 13 on some days, and stayed there for the last year. I briefly went back to the gym starting when the boys were about 3 months old, but it was too hard to find childcare to leave them at home and too difficult for me to leave them with strangers at bedtime (I worked days, so nights were my only option for the gym), and honestly I was freaking exhausted so it was difficult to stay motivated.
When we moved to Florida in December, we knew life here would be different. We were down to one income, a smaller home, less stress, less CRAP to deal with every day just to keep things running. It took about 2 months to settle in, during which time the boys turned 1 and overnight became little people instead of just babies. My goal had been to reach my happy weight by the twins’ first birthday. I did not meet this goal. I did, however, survive my first year of twin parenthood, so I tried to focus on that and not look too closely in the mirror.
We joined the YMCA after about a month here, and were great about going as a family most days of the week. Over the course of 4 months, I got about 10 lbs off. Then everyone got sick. Repeatedly. And stayed sick for 3 months. We stopped working out. The weight started to creep back up. The stress started to creep back up. And I started to feel like I was never going to be happy in my body again.
I also started to feel like I would never cut my hair again. See, that was the deal Daddy-in-Training and I made when we started talking about getting both of our weights into a healthy range: He HAS to cut his hair until he reaches his goal weight, and I CAN’T cut my hair until I reach mine.
I am happy to report that I expect to make my hair appointment by the end of next week. In the last month, I have lost almost 10 lbs. In 7 more, I will be in the dead center of my goal weight range. In 5 more, I can schedule my cut and color. It’s kind of amazing.
In the last month, I ran my first 5K in 40 minutes and 14 seconds. I registered for another 5K, and set a goal of doing one a month for the rest of the year. I feel like my body is mine again. And, bizarrely, I feel less compelled to chop all of my hair off. I’m starting to feel excited about keeping this length I’ve reluctantly gained as I struggled to get rid of other stuff I reluctantly gained. ;) I’ve been in a low-ponytail rut for weeks, but I’m starting to like it, actually. And I keep eyeing the hot rollers in the back of the cabinet under the sink.
For me, I think it was fear of failing — which was bizarre, because I pretty much set myself up for failure so effectively that I couldn’t have done a better job if it had been on purpose. I overscheduled, overstressed, and undercommitted to myself. I set targets with no plan to achieve them. I tried to do it alone. I tried to change things without actually changing anything.
On April 1, Jesse and I both started using Herbalife. (We are Herbalife wellness coaches now, too, if you’re interested in learning more. Contact us for deets.) We stopped trying to do it on our own and got some help. Now I do two Herbalife shakes a day, two real-food snacks a day, and a normal dinner. I take a multivitamin and three other supplements three times a day, plus extra vitamin D to help with my mood since I’m prone to depression and anxiety. And honestly, I feel great. I have more energy. I feel like this is attainable. My horrendous acne with giant cysts under my skin is completely gone. Cliche warning: I feel like a new woman. And best of all, I’m not hungry all the time. I used to think about food constantly. It was a major source of stress. Now, not even a little.
Mentally, I still have a long way to go. Physically, I do as well. (All the weight loss in the world ain’t gonna make this crazy twin skin go away!) But the scale is getting a lot closer to where I want it to be, and that feels good. I can feel and see my body changing. And I feel excited. I feel good. I feel like I can do this. And when I say “this,” I mean my life. It’s a good feeling.
What do you need to change to get to that place? Leave a comment. Be anonymous if you want. But own it. Put it in writing. And tell me what you need to do to get where you want to be.
Note: The video above is part of a BlogHer.com promotion through a BlogHer influencer campaign.
- Prizes & Promotions page on Blogher.com: https://www.blogher.com/blogher-tv-weekly-hair-style-sweepstakes
- Sweeps Rules (4/17-4/23): http://www.blogher.com/hair-sweepstakes-official-rules-week-5