Things You Shouldn’t Say to a New Mom of Twins

I’m still controlled by post-partum hormones. Consider yourself warned.

• My kids are only 18 months apart, so it’s kind of like having twins. No, no it isn’t. It’s like having two kids 18 months apart.
• My new baby only sleeps 3 hours between feedings; I’m exhausted. Mine too. But when my baby sleeps, my other baby is awake. You think you’re exhausted?
• You’ve got your hands full! Gee, ya think? Please try something more original.
• Don’t worry, you’ll lose that weight soon. Um, I’ve already lost over 40 lbs and I’m 20+ lbs under my pre-pregnancy weight. Thanks for making me feel even better about my post-baby body than I already do.
• You’re breastfeeding? Both of them? Why? Well, I couldn’t decide which one I loved best, so I figured I’d have to provide nature’s perfect nutrition for both of them until I figure it out.Two babies, two boobs — do the math.
• Got ’em both out of the way in one shot, huh? Yeah, just another box to check on my to-do list. Thanks.
• Do they cry? No, we had them de-barked.
• Were they natural? Nope, totally synthetic. They’re waterproof and everything.
• Do twins run in your family? They do now!
• I can’t imagine dealing with two babies at one time. Believe me, neither can I. I’m not very good at it. Please stop reminding me.
• I always wanted twins. Want to borrow mine? ‘Cause I could use a nap.
• Double trouble! You want trouble? Keep saying mean crap about my kids.