My journal from November 7, 1995.
From time to time, I like to revisit childhood journals for hilariously awkward and occasionally mortifying stories. Here’s my rumination on what may or may not have been a crush on a long-time friend (who, incidentally, is still in my life – along with his delightful wife and three hilarious young daughters). I’ve typed it exactly as written, except for replacing full names with initials in searchable text.
Tuesday, Nov 7, 1995 (7:44 p.m.)
I don’t think I really like MA anymore. Maybe my prolonged crush was just a wierd habit. Sure, MA is gorgeous, but he doesn’t know I even exist. I don’t really care anymore. I’m going to concentrate my interests on someone a bit more responsive, someone breathing; someone who likes me back; someone like AG, maybe.
We are constantly flirting with each other, especially in GT. DD, TY, and DB think we like each other. CH and JT think we like each other, too. I think we like each other. I don’t know……… Do I like him? Does he like me? Do we like each other?
CM actually asked me if AG and I are going out! We were walking down the hall together, talking and laughing, but I don’t tho think it really looked like we’re going out. Well, I guess it is a kind of compliment……..I guess.
I like AG and everything, but I don’t know if I want to go out with anyone. It The break-ups are too hard, and after the break up is so awkward! I don’t know. Maybe it’s worth it. Maybe not. I’m very confused, but I’m not really worried about the confusion. I think fate and God will take me through the confusion. I feel safe, yet vulnerable; scared, yet calm; nervous, but not worried. This is a very wierd time for me.
Cheerleading starts next week. I’m really excited about it. Wish me luck.
Mrs. Hickock asked me to be the editor of the yearbook. I’m thrilled. I can’t wait for the first yearbook meeting!
I love the juxtaposition of maturity and immaturity in this post. I also love my bizarrely long ellipses and inability to spell weird correctly. What stands out to you? You know, other than my stellar illustration skills?
It seems to me you were very comfortable with your feelings. The uncertainty, the vulnerability, the confusion…they were acknowledged but they were not blown out of proportion. And they didn’t seem to overshadow living life. I like that.
Thanks, Damaria! I’m nothing if not in touch with my feelings. ;)