Sometimes you just need to scream it out.
A fellow multiple mom one of my Facebook groups posted today about feeling frustrated with her 3.5-year-olds and feeling like she needs a break. I could read the guilt in her post as clear as if “GUILT” had been every other word she wrote. The only thing worse than feeling like you want to throttle your kids is feeling like there’s something wrong with you for being frustrated and not “loving every minute” like so many other liars moms claim to. Here’s what I said to her:
No judgement here! Parenting is HARD, and parenting multiples is even harder. When they’re good they’re very good, but when they’re bad THEY OUTNUMBER YOU AND IT TOTALLY BLOWS. You are having a very normal response to a very abnormal and overwhelming circumstance. Nothing wrong with you! It’s hard to prepare for this, and even if you’re prepared it’s still hard to deal with it. Anything you can do to get a break is a good idea. Put them in front of the TV with a snack and lock yourself in the bathroom with a cup of coffee for 10 minutes. Cram them into the stroller and grab your iPod and turn the volume up loud enough that you can’t hear them while you powerwalk it out. Go in your room and close the door and beat the crap out of your pillows and mattress (note: it’s okay to visualize the kids’ faces from time to time as you strangle your pillow ;]).
I find it useful to talk to other moms with kids the same age as my kids (or slightly older), to vent to my bestie via text, and to pick up books from the library or buy them used on Amazon about whatever thing I am struggling with. Right now it’s Happiest Toddler On the Block and something about how to make sure you don’t murder your “spirited child” before he starts school and then he’s someone else’s problem for 8 hours a day.
I love my kids. I love being a mom. I do not love everything about my kids or everything about being a mom. I do NOT “love every moment of it.” Anyone who says they do is a liar or delusional. That’s my $.02. Hang in there. We are here any time you need support and encouragement. And you are NOT alone.
What would you say to a friend who’s feeling overwhelmed and frustrated? How do you manage those times? Share your best advice in the comments.
I think you said it perfect. Whoever came up with this idea of moms being some kind of martyr and never allowing themselves negative feelings needs to be shot. I’m not sure what’s worse, feeling trapped by your kids and the guilt that comes with it or the moms that put on a fake show about how perfect they are/their kids are that causes the rest of us to question our normal and realistic thoughts and feelings.