How to Pee While Holding a Baby

One of my Facebook mommy groups just had a fairly lengthy discussion about what to do when you have to pee in public and there’s nowhere to put your kid. With two babies at once, I face this dilemma on a fairly regular basis. Usually when I’m alone I’m wearing one or both babies. So I just pee normally, but with one or more babies attached to my chest or back. If I have a cart or stroller, I wheel it into the handicapped stall, which sometimes means peeing with the door open because not all of the stalls will accommodate something that size with a closed door.

But sometimes I just have one baby and he’s in my arms. Or I’m wearing one and holding the other. Here’s how to pee while holding a baby, in seven easy steps:

1. Put baby on left hip and unbutton pants with right hand. Use left hand to hold waistband (under baby) while you undo the zipper. (If you’re lefthanded, switch left and right throughout.)
2. Reach around behind with your right hand and work your pants down from your left kidney-ish all the way around to the front left. Angle baby off your waistline accordingly.
3. Grab toilet paper. Yes, your pants are currently down.
4. Transition baby to a cradle hold and sit or hover with him seated in your lap. Continue until finished.
5. Scootch baby up your body until his belly is on your shoulder so you can wipe. Stand and maintain position while you pull up your pants so baby doesn’t get in the way.
6. Exit stall. Wash one hand at a time. Shake dry, dry on your pants, or get paper towel in advance.
7. Locate flask in diaper bag and take a swig.

Just kidding about step 7. I never leave my flask in the diaper bag. This is much more practical.