Throwdown Thursday is a biweekly-ish feature wherein we discuss controversial parenting topics. Respectful disagreement is welcome in the comments! Have a request for a topic? Contact us with your idea!
I keep seeing moms referring to their baby girls as “divas” and I’m like, seriously? She’s not a diva. She’s a BABY. Unless she’s actually a celebrated female vocalist (the traditional sense of the word), in which case you can tell me to shove it, you are projecting inappropriately onto your child. Oh, unless you think she has an exaggerated sense of self-importance and inappropriately elevated self-image and generally acts like a spoiled brat , in which case you need a reality check. SHE’S A BABY and babies need what they need. This does not make them divas. What does make them divas is parents who inappropriately cater to every whim and tell them over and over again that they’re divas!
Same deal with princesses. Most little girls love princesses. Princess Mommy sure can attest to that! Dressing up is fun. Playing a part is fun. It’s fun to imagine living in a big castle and having whatever you want. It’s less fun to deal with a kid who you’re raising to believe she’s actually a princess entitled to anything and everything. “I’m not doing that, Kristen. Stop being an idiot.” Really? When a child hears over and over again that she is a princess, don’t you think she starts to believe it. Is this really what we’re trying to teach our daughters? Or are we trying to teach them that they are valuable, unique, and treasured human beings? “Well, she knows she’s not actually a princess. She knows what I mean.” Does she? Does she really?
Because last time I checked, little kids see things in very black and white terms and don’t really understand stuff like that. They very literal. And they are very sensitive to being labeled. They rise to the labels we assign to them. You may think calling your little girl a princess or a diva is a good thing, but is it? Think about that. Really, really think about it. Is that what you want her to become? Or do you just think she looks cute in frilly pink baby dresses?
I don’t want my sons marrying some diva or princess. No, no, no. And if I do my job right, they wouldn’t be interested in one either. They won’t want a girl who must have her way all the time, or whose self-worth is tied up in material things. Or who defines love with stuff. And trust me: You don’t want your daughter marrying some guy who wants a diva or princess, because he is seriously flawed.
Please, stop labeling your daughters as divas and princesses. Here, read these:
- Young Girls, Makeup and the Media: How Not to Raise a Diva
- How Not to Raise a Brat
- How Not to Raise a Princess
What do you think? Is your baby a diva or a princess? Why or why not? Leave a comment.
While reading this at lunch, been trying to figure out how to word my response, because from my FB posts, everyone knows my daughter is nicknamed, “The princess.” The nickname in our family is a very personal one, taken from our foster daughter(we were likely going to be able to adopt her), that is now in heaven. She was our first girl, very sick with heart issues and withdrawals from her biological mom’s cocaine use. The princess nickname just stuck with her. Then Jesus called her home at almost 4 months old.
After caring for 10 or so other children(and their parents sometimes), many with special needs and after almost 6 years of infertility, I was blessed with the pregnancy of my daughter. We had 3 adopted boys already, so she became the “Princess”, honoring her older sister. We also honored her with the name we would have given her sister if we were able to adopt her.
I do not believe the nickname makes her believe she is of higher status than the others, but she is the only girl, and I am very aware that she may attempt to use that to her advantage in getting her way. Like any normal 2 year old, she is trying her limits and quickly realizing that she is not the boss. I will not allow her to become a brat and I believe if you raise them right(most times), the nickname in itself will make them feel superior to others. I also believe that by the time she has a true understanding of what princess means, she will outgrow the nickname. . I do not believe it is the term “princess” that makes them feel entitled but how you raise them. Also, I never use the nickname “Princess” when correcting her, because I do not want her to associate it with bad behavior.
Lisa, thanks so much for your thoughtful comments. I realize that it must have been very difficult to write that! What I somehow didn’t realize, despite the fact that we’ve known each other for quite a while now, is what the nickname Princess means to you and your family. Your and your family’s situation is not at all what I am referring to when I speak negatively of the label of “princess.” I hope that is clear, and I’m so very sorry if it’s not. There’s a big difference between the two. Thank you for pointing it out.
Well since our children are already betrothed to each other, I suppose that does sort of make my girls princesses right? LOL
Actually, I agree with the diva thing. And I agree with the princess thing past a certain age but the innocence of a baby girl being called a princess doesn’t bother me.
Great post!
I’ve worked really hard to try to help my (now 3.5 year old) daughter develop a strong sense of self without cultivating the negative bits of being a “diva”. We have had a few really (embarrassing, no, mortifying) moments of “No, no, no! I don’t want this toy for Christmas, I want it today!” (omg. *sinks into a puddle onto the floor to slide out the door*) One time I even had to carry her out of *Dollar General* crying hysterically because she wanted a toy. It was not happening, *especially* after that fabulous display. We’re still working with the grandparents on the “no new toys every.time they see the kid”. Fortunately, she shares with others more than she barks about wanting something, and I’m realizing that I don’t have to buy her lots of junk out of guilt induced by not providing her a sibling to entertain her. (I think I need to find your post on letting kids be “bored”? :) )
In a perfect world, of course, I would be able to say my kid was always well behaved and never demanded anything, but the truth is- just as we have some really amazing, sensitive, sweet moments, we also have a few lousy moments.
I know a lot of moms have different connotations of the words “diva” and “princess”, and even though (I’d say) most moms probably call their daughter “princess” at leeeeast once, it never really stuck for E, maybe because the terms seem finicky or frilly to me?
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