Pregnancy Problems That Never Occurred to Me

In all the thinking I did about being pregnant (and staying pregnant) before this particular pregnancy, I just did not think about some of the challenges I would confront as a woman with child. Hyperemesis aside, here’s what’s surprised (and pained) me so far:

• My Feet. As in, I haven’t seen them in 2 weeks, and I’m barely halfway through my pregnancy.
• My Clothes. As in, everything is too small for my belly and too big for the rest of me, including maternity clothing.
• My Pants. As in, I can’t put them on without my belly getting in the way. I have to bend my knee way far out to the side so my thigh doesn’t smush up against baby, leading to my feet getting caught and my falling over.
• Socks and Shoes. As in, I haven’t been able to put them on normally in almost a month because the belly gets in the way. Instead of sitting on the floor or edge of the tub / bed / chair and just bending over, I sit on the edge of the tub / bed / chair and laboriously cross one ankle over the opposite knee so I can put my sock on sideways. Then I switch. Rinse and repeat for shoes (which are difficult to tie sideways / upside down).
• Peeing. As in, will it ever stop?

Dear Babies:
GET OFF MY BLADDER. Did you not get the memo that the second trimester is supposed to mean LESS peeing and not more? You guys are killing me.
Love,
Mommy

• Peeing, redux. As in, whichever stupid baby is parked on my bladder is somehow compressing my ureter or urethra or whatever it is so that I cannot fully empty my bladder while sitting on the toilet. I do a seated pee and then must do that balancing-hover act that most of us have perfected in public restrooms in order to get the rest out. Leaning forward, backward, or to the side does nothing. A standing pee is all that works.
• Sleeping. As in, I haven’t done it for a full night in weeks. I repeat, I am barely halfway through my pregnancy. I thought this would kick in during like Month 8. Obviously I wasn’t thinking what it would be like to sleep while carrying twins. It’s more like a series of naps than a real night of sleep. Between reflux (see below), constant urination, and ever-present back pain, it’s amazing I get the 90- to 120-minute bursts I do.
• Lying on my side. As in, I can’t do it without excruciating pain unless I use multiple pillows or rolled-up blankets to prop up my abdomen. This is super fun at night when I wish to change sleep positions.
• Reflux. As in, constant, aggressive reflux that’s so painful it makes me cry, even with prescription antacids, over-the-counter antacids, and the most boring diet you’ve ever heard of.
• Hips, knees, shoulders, and ankles. As in, something is wrong with them. If I sit wide-kneed (which I often have to in order to accommodate the bump), my hips scream as though I were in mile 23 of a marathon. All of my other joints do the same. I chalk this up to a combination of everything softening due to pregnancy and the fact that my body is becoming more and more front-heavy every day, seriously stressing my joints. Again, did not expect this before Month 8, when delivery would be right around the corner.

What are your least favorite or most surprising pregnancy woes? Leave a comment.