To the Idiots Who Keep Throwing Trash out of Their Car(s) and onto My Property

(www.sass-pants.com)  

Dear Jerk:

Here’s a scenario I can understand: It’s a beautiful day , so you roll down the windows and, unbeknownst to you, a tissue or piece of paper in the back seat blows out the window.

Here’s a scenario I can’t understand: Same as above, except that, unbeknownst to you, the entire contents of your car ashtray blows out the window and lands at the end of my driveway in a neat little pile. Right next your two now-empty Dairy Queen cups that I presume used to contain milkshakes. And the remains of two Starbucks lattes — one hot and one frozen, both 16 ounces. And an empty can of snuff. And a crushed soda can. And the dozen or so other items that filled an entire grocery bag when I decided to pick up YOUR trash from MY yard.

Actually, I’m kind of amazed that there was anything in your ashtray to dump onto my property in the first place, since you are very definitely the kind of inconsiderate moron who flings the butts out the window willy-nilly as soon as you finish the last drag. Oh, and was that you I saw at the stoplight in front of me tossing a Snickers bar wrapper out the window in front of the Bloom grocery store on Route 3 the other week? I couldn’t see your face, but your actions spoke volumes.

Here’s the thing, my rude and wasteful friend: This is a small subdivision. There’s one entrance, two streets, only a dozen or so houses. If you don’t live here or visit someone who does, you have no reason to be on these two dead-end roads anyway. (Unless you’re the mail carrier, but she doesn’t litter despite the mountains of junk mail I’m sure she’d like to fling out the window daily.) So that means you’re, shall we say, defecating where you eat — or where your friend or family member eats.

Have some respect, dude. If not for yourself, for other people. You’re getting out of the car later anyway. Would it kill you to take your trash with you instead of flinging it into my yard? I have better things to do than pick after you. I’m guessing your mother didn’t, though, or she would have taught you better.

If I’m outside the next time you throw some piece of crap into my yard, don’t be surprised if I throw it back at you before writing down your license plate number and calling the police to complain about your littering. With the amount of stuff you keep leaving for me, maybe they can even get you for illegal dumping. It would really warm to cockles of my heart to see you get a nice fine to help you remember that throwing trash out of your car is not okay. Which, incidentally, you should know anyway.

Love,

Kristen

Contents Copyright © 2009 Kristen King

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