(www.sass-pants.com) — I hate relish in tuna fish, but my husband loves it, and I love him. Something I’m learning about marriage (and it’s about time, since we just had our fourth anniversary in September) and relationships in general is that it’s not always about you — and any time you can make it about the other person, you should do it.
And I don’t mean that you should turn it around so it’s your partner’s fault if they call you out on something stupid you did and make the disagreement about them instead of you (which I am often guilty of and trying to work on). I’m talking about making small sacrifices because it makes the person you love happier. I’m talking about eating the stupid tuna anyway because the person you love made it for you and relish makes him happy even though it’s disgusting, and eating it with a smile and a thank-you at that.
I’m talking about biting your tongue when your mate says something careless instead of snapping back and potentially starting a fight. I’m talking about cleaning the kitchen yourself instead of nagging him or her to do it, because you know you wish your partner would do it for you. I’m talking about apologizing when you know you did something that inconvenienced, offended, or hurt your partner, even if he or she didn’t mention it, because you KNOW what you did even if it was unintentional.
Whatever you WISH your relationship was like — with your spouse, best friend, coworker, mom, whatever — you have the power to make it that way.
And don’t give me that crap about life being too short to eat relish tuna if you don’t like it. Life is too short to let little stuff that doesn’t matter get in the way of making your partner the happiest he or she can be and reaping the benefits in return. Suck it up. Swallow your pride. Fight the inclination to be defensive. Be the one who makes the peace. Put the other person first.
And tell me, what’s your “relish”?
Contents Copyright © 2008 Kristen King
Kristen,
I can’t tell you how much I agree with your article about marriage. Michele and I try to behave exactly like that toward each other. Kindness and gratitude elevate the simplest interaction.
Steven
@Steve, thanks for your comment! Well said: “Kindness and gratitude elevate the simplest interaction.”
Kristen,
And it’s a choice–in the moment–to be kind. It’s not automatic, and sometimes Michele and I don’t succeed in treating each other with kindness. So then we stop, apologize, and start again. It’s worth it.
Steven
@Steve, And the more we make the right choice, the easier it becomes. Worth it, absolutely.