Mastiff Mayhem — Today’s Episode of “Things Murphy Destroyed or Ate”: A Framed Photo of the Dogs

Well, if this isn’t irony, I don’t know what is. I came home from being gone maybe an hour, and found the house in utter disarray.

Now, before I get into the details, it’s important to point out that with as well as things have been going since Bark Busters came, we’ve started leaving the dogs loose in the house when we’re gone for short periods of time. Aside from a few garbage can incidents, it’s been mostly successful. Until yesterday.

Something felt a little…off when I walked in. Then, I saw the new phone book. Or, rather, what was left of the new phone book. We’d dropped it on the coffee table and forgotten about it, but the dogs didn’t! Parts of the alphabet were strewn all over the house, with a big shredded pile still attached to the binding. Bye-bye, phone book!

It wasn’t until I began picking up G-J that I realized that something else was in the pile. I started finding broken glass and wood splinters. And then I discovered our “family photo” amid the debris: me, Jesse, and the three dogs.

They stole a wrapped present out of a bag in the dining room, unwrapped it, and procecded to utterly destroy a framed photo of themselves. Except, the picture was unharmed, just a little slobbery. Awesome.

Even more awesome was that as I swept up the mess, I started finding huge splotches of blood all over the floor. A careful examination of everyone’s paws failed to reveal who the bleeder was. It wasn’t until I separated everyone during the cleaning efforts that I finally discovered who it was: Pickles, as evidenced by the blood spots all over the white carpet in my office, where she was confined. Did I mention that it was awesome? She is fine, by the way.

In Murphy’s defense, I don’t think he worked alone. But now that we’ve stopped calling him “the life ruiner,” we’re back to referring to him as “Destructor.”

And here are a few other things they’ve destroyed recently. My favorite was the feather pillow. It looked like a duck exploded, and the best part was the feather stuck all over Murphy’s face.