Amateur Parenting

We broke down and purchased a Wii system after about 2 weeks of lusting after our friends’ system. It’s the most fun EVER, seriously. But it freaks the dogs out to no end.

When we play Wii bowling, every time we knock the pins down, Ty jumps up and starts barking. Just as he calms down, we knock down more pins and it starts all over again.

When we play Wii golf, Pickles invariably jumps up to give/get some lovin’ just as we swing — and gets smacked in the face with the Wii remote.

When I rock out with Wii Dancing With the Stars, Murphy picks that moment to lie at my feet and somehow encircle my legs with his enormous body. Last night, while I was in the middle of doing the Mashed Potato, he started licking my ankle like it was a smoked ham.

Julius is less alarmed by all of this, but VERY interested. He sits on the coffee table and just stares. And stares. And stares. And stares. Sometimes he falls asleep while staring. But then Ty starts barking or Pickles gets a concussion, and he’s wide awake again. Gotta love it…

Every time we go to the dog park, the other pet moms and dads are blown away by how friendly, nonaggressive, and well socialized Pickles, Ty, and Murphy are. “They listen to you so well!” “They’re so big, but they’re so calm!” “How do you make them listen like that?”

The answer? I expect them to do what I tell them do. I don’t beg them, bribe them, or plead with them. When I want them to sit, I tell them to sit and then I make they do it. It’s called follow-through, and it’s the cornerstone of good parenting, whether for kids or for animals.

One couple at the park this last time had a Yorkie who, in addition to trying to hump Pickles incessantly the whole 2 hours we were there, terrorized and started fights with all of the other dogs, including two crazy, uncontrolled, unaltered male boxers who I could tell were just itching to rip him to pieces. Every time the Yorkie went after another dog, the owner would pick him up by the scruff of the neck, cuddle him, and say in a baby voice, “You’re such a bad widdle doddie, awen’t ooo?” Gee, no wonder it kept misbehaving — they were rewarding it for being a monster!

I couldn’t take it anymore, so the last time the commented on how well-behaved Ty was in particular, I said, “That’s because I punish him when he does something bad, so he knows I mean it when I say no. I put him down and make him submit when he disobeys. It’s the only way to make them listen to you. You have to mean it.”

They were skeptical, so I led Ty over and made him submit in front of all of the other dogs. Then I did it to Pickles. Then, I helped them do it to their little Satan Dog, and I swear to you, it worked.

Why people are baffled when their dogs keep doing things they get rewarded for is beyond me. If you don’t want your dog to do a behavior, stop rewarding him for it! And then YOU can have the best-behaved dogs in the dog park.

Do you have any fun dog park stories? E-mail them to me!

Ordinarily, we don’t give our dogs any people food, except what falls from the counter while we’re cooking, for instance, but only if we’re slow on the pick-up. But today, we made an exception. Today, we let them lick the serving dish that held all of the turkey, and we poured the leftover gravy over their regular dry food.

The two main reasons we generally don’t do this are (1) that we don’t want them to get fat and (2) that we don’t want them to be beggars. My mom’s dog is a begging FIEND who will not leave you alone while you’re eating, and he’s gotten table scraps from day one. He’s so aggressive about it that he’ll actually nose your arm while you’re eating until something falls of your fork. He even jumped on the counter and ate a stick of butter once. And he’s no small dog — about 80 lbs in his heyday.

But every now and then, it’s not going to hurt to give a LITTLE extra goodie if you limit the amount and put it in the dog’s bowl (or at least on the floor) rather than feeding it from the table. And if it means less work for you, or if you’re out of Tupperware and just can’t store the food but can’t bear the thought of just throwing it away, it can be fun for everyone.

Do you give your dog people food?