Amateur Parenting – Page 35 – Just Admit It: You Have No Idea What You're Doing Either

“Hurtin’ for Certain,” but at Least My Hands Have Stopped Shaking

Kristen King January 2, 2009 7 Comments

(www.sass-pants.com) — I think it was God’s way of telling me that fast food really is bad for me. Okay, not really, but I won’t be swinging by the local McDonald’s for a snack again any time soon. When I stopped for a Big Mac Meal on Tuesday, I got in a car accident in the parking lot.

Let me describe the setup for you:

The building is fairly long and narrow, and perpendicular to the road. There is parking on all sides. If you’re facing the front, the drive-thru line starts on the right and exits on the left. The right side is one way toward the back of the building and the left side is one way toward the front of the building. When you exit the drive-thru, you can go straight out onto the road or you can drive through the one-way lane in front of the building, cross over the parking-lot entrance, and exit through the adjacent business’ parking lot. This is what I was trying to do on Tuesday.

I looked both ways, double-checked to make sure no one was pulling in from the road, and proceeded across the McDonald’s lot to exit next door since the drive-thru line was completely blocking the rear exit. And then, CRUNCH! The woman who was last in line for the drive-thru apparently got impatient and decided she wanted out. So, she backed up. Right into my car. Continue reading →

Dog Disasters — Today’s Episode of “Things the Dogs Destroyed or Ate”: 10 lbs. of Flour

Kristen King January 2, 2009 5 Comments

(www.meowbarkblog.com) — We came home from visiting family last night to find a white explosion all over the kitchen and living room. We should have known better than to leave the flour on the counter in preparation for tonight’s fried chicken dinner. But honestly, what is appealing about 10 lbs of flour? The world may never know. And my rug will never be the same.

Continue reading →

Mastiff Mayhem: Shelf-Climbing Bullmastiff (or, “I just gotta have one of those toys!”)

Kristen King December 26, 2008 4 Comments

(www.meowbarkblog.com) — If there’s one thing Ty loves, it’s stuffed animals. And he’s going to get them, no matter what it takes! See what I mean?

We call him Mr. Barky Buns Big Head. I’m sure you can figure out why.

Run for Your Lives! My Zit Is Taking Over the World

Kristen King December 24, 2008 3 Comments

(www.sass-pants.com) — I guess all the nostalgia of rereading my middle school and high school journals has thrown my skin into some kind of tailspin or mega regression, because I have the worst pimple of my life on my chin right now. My husband regarded it with a mix of horror and awe, observing, “Wow, it actually changes your whole jawline.” Gee, thanks, honey. You sure know how to make a girl feel attractive.

I tweeted about it the other day, and was disappointed not to receive more sympathy. (One of my tweeple laughed at me. Rightfully so, but still! She did later mitigate her callousness with, “I think you’re hilarious for having that fun attitude about it. Those things aren’t fun, but they happen to the best of us. :-)”) I guess since I don’t actually have to leave the house to go to work and no one sees it other than Jesse, the dogs, and my friends in the congregation (who, you know, aren’t judging my skin lest their skin be judged), I don’t warrant much sympathy in this regard.

That, plus evidently I’m not the only woman outside puberty who’s dealing with this absurdity. How do I stave off both wrinkles and acne? It occurs to me that I blog about my skin kind of a lot. Well, maybe not a lot, but this isn’t the first time. On my old women’s health blog, I did a whole series on Acne Free (like Proactiv, but a lot cheaper and available at Costco), my results, and the rash it gave me, and even posted an awesome guest article about acne in adults.

Somehow, it doesn’t make me feel one bit better to know that there are tons of other 20somethings, 30somethings, and even 40 and 50somethings who are still cringing in front of the mirror. I was told I would grow out of it. They LIED. I want retribution. Or a miracle skin care product that will solve the problem. Really, I could go either way.

Overheard at My House — December 20, 2008

Kristen King December 20, 2008 3 Comments

(www.sass-pants.com) — Who said being married is no fun?

Him: <looking at the bank statement> Did you make an online purchase from something called Wicked Temptations?

Me: Uh, no.

Him: Are you sure?

Me: You’re kidding, right? I think I’d remember buying something from a place called Wicked Temptations.

Him: Well, maybe it didn’t say Wicked Temptations when you bought it.

Me: <googling> Evidently WickedTemptations.com is sexy lingerie at discount prices.

Him: Oh! It’s for Dave*!

Me: You bought sexy discount lingerie for Dave?

Him: No, it’s for his wife for Christmas.

Me: You bought sexy discount lingerie for Dave’s wife?

As it turns out, Dave asked if he could use Jesse’s card to make the purchase so his wife wouldn’t see it on the credit card statement and it would be a surprise. It sure surprised me! It was about four hours ago, and I’m still giggling. “You bought sexy discount lingerie for Dave?” I was so confused.

*Not his real name.