Amateur Parenting – Page 33 – Just Admit It: You Have No Idea What You're Doing Either

Apparently I’m a Moron

Kristen King February 27, 2009 2 Comments

(www.meowbarkblog.com) — We’ve lived in our house for 2 years next month, and every nice day the whole time we’ve been here, I’ve said to myself, “I wish we had double-hung windows.”

You see, the windows in the dining room and my office open onto the front porch, and I can’t open them more than an inch or two because otherwise my protective moron dogs will knock out the screen and climb out if the UPS or FedEx guys come to drop off a package. I’m not looking for a lawsuit here, you know what I’m saying? So I have to keep those windows closed on even the nicest days because my dogs are morons who love to chase strangers.

Or so I thought. After making my lament silently for 23 months, I finally said it aloud to Jesse the other day.

“What do you mean you wish we had double-hung windows?” he asked quizzically.

“You know,” I responded, “so I could open the top of the windows in the dining room and office when it’s nice out and not worry about the dogs scaring the crap out of someone.”

“We have double-hung windows,” he informed me.

Duh. It never occurred to me to check. I just, for some reason, was completely convinced we didn’t. So yesterday, when it was 70 degrees out in February, I opened the front windows from the top with full confidence that ne’er a delivery person would be eaten in my neck of the woods. Not on my watch.

Nothing Spells Romance Like Wills and Advance Medical Directives

Kristen King February 27, 2009 4 Comments

(www.sass-pants.com) — On Wednesday night, Jesse and I finally did something we’ve been wanting to do for pretty much the whole time we’ve been together: We wrote our wills. It was boring and tedious, but it’s a relief to have it done. And oddly enough, it was a really interesting bonding experience.

Virginia is a state where, if you don’t have a will, everything goes to the Commonwealth, not your spouse. The fact that we’ve known this and been married for four and a half years and still didn’t have wills was pretty stressful. Fortunately, the will part was easy and quick because we don’t have kids or any special possessions that need consideration, so we just left everything to each other and our siblings as backup. Crisis averted.

The final arrangements and advance medical directives were where it got interesting. We’d talked before about cremation, but we didn’t get into the details of ceremonies, memorials, pre-cremation embalming, ash scattering, etc. Who knew you could rent a casket for a pre-cremation viewing? Or that you could require someone to witness your cremation? Not me. Oh, and ick, by the way.

It was neat to see what he has in mind for his funeral arrangements. I knew approximately what he wanted, but I didn’t realize the level of detail he’d had in mind. And for me, I didn’t realize that I had very specific ideas of what I wanted in my obituary until the program we were using, Quicken WillMaker, asked me. Turns out, I do. I also didn’t realize that he positively doesn’t want to die in a hospital, whereas I don’t really care that much as long as my dogs get to see me before I die.

When it comes to a “living will” or advance medical directive, I have very specific requirements regarding certain life-prolonging measures. I do not accept blood transfusions or any blood products, including reinfusion of my own blood, so I wanted to be very, very explicit about what kinds of treatment are and are not okay so nobody has to make any independent decisions and no one feels guilty about possibly making the wrong choice. It took for-ev-er, but we both heaved a sigh of relief when it was done.

Afterward, we sat on the couch and ate frozen pizza (cooked, of course), and held hands. It’s not particularly fun to think about dying, but now that we’ve dealt with it together, it doesn’t seem as terrible.

(image: Jennifer Marr)

Microsoft’s Contradictory New Marketing Campaign: Life Without Walls Means You Don’t NEED a Window, Dummy

Kristen King February 24, 2009 4 Comments

(www.sass-pants.com) — I laughed out loud last night when I saw a commercial from Microsoft’s new “Windows: Life Without Walls” marketing campaign. There was nothing inherently wrong with it per se, but let me ask you this:

Where in the world would you put a window if you didn’t have any walls? And why would you need one anyway?

Obviously “Windows” refers to the software, not a literal window with glass and a sash and whatnot, but how is it that nobody saw a problem with this? Without a wall, you don’t have a window, either. Pretty basic logic.

And it’s clear that Microsoft grasps that logic because the ad below depicts someone who just cut a window-like hole in the shape of the Windows logo into a wall:

Without the wall, he’d just be standing on a platform in front of a big open space. (Click to see a larger version.)

So what’s the deal, Microsoft? Did you think no one would notice that contradiction? Or that we wouldn’t care if we did? Well, Microsoft, I noticed, and I care. Why don’t you?

(image courtesy of Microsoft’s PressPass)

A Green Thumb Can Mean More Green in Your Wallet

Kristen King February 9, 2009 1 Comment

money garden.jpg (www.sass-pants.com) — If you’re looking for a way to save on your grocery bills during the recession, growing your own produce may be the answer. A recently completed cost-analysis by Burpee reveals major savings for people who grow their own vegetables.

According to W. Atlee Burpee & Co., a well-planned garden will result in a 1 to 25 cost-savings ratio, meaning $50 in seeds and fertilizer can produce $1,250 worth of groceries purchased at a supermarket. “And all you need is a small, sunny plot to enjoy these big savings,” says Burpee Chairman George Ball.

To arrive at the 1 to 25 ratio, Burpee planted a series of test gardens during 2008 at its main research facility, Fordhook Farm, in Bucks County, PA. “A hundred dollars will produce $2,500 in groceries,” Mr. Ball concludes. “That’s $2,400 a family can save in five months.”

For 2009, Burpee is planning a new seed packet offer, appropriately termed “The Money Garden.” Each Money Garden packet will contain packages of six easy-to-grow varieties capable of producing at least $500 worth of groceries. The Money Garden will have a special $10 price and will be available on the company website (www.burpee.com) exclusively.

The Money Garden packet will include the following varieties: Bell Peppers, Beefsteak Tomatoes, Sugar Snap Peas, French Green Beans, Butterhead Lettuces and large Nantes-type carrots. If purchased individually, the six items would retail for $20.

Crucial to attaining enormous savings is succession planting, Mr. Ball says. “Too often home gardeners plant an item such as lettuce early in the season and then leave the site fallow after harvesting a month later.” Much of the success in The Money Garden results from extending the season from early planting to late harvesting, according to Mr. Ball. Burpee will help gardeners learn “staggered sowing” and the best vegetables to plant in succession in their locale and when to start for maximum results. Also, which varieties actually do better in colder weather. The Money Garden can be cultivated in a relatively small garden of approximately 200-225 square feet.

To make it easier for home gardeners to plant The Money Garden, Burpee plans to post how-to information on the company website, www.Burpee.com. A toll free Money Garden hotline has been established, 1-800-333-5808, to answer questions about varieties that work best and when to plant in different regions of the United States.

If you live in an area with limited planting space, check out these resources on container gardening:

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DTV Transition Delayed Until June 12; Nation Again Decides That “No Consequences” Is the Best Teaching Tool

Kristen King February 5, 2009 1 Comment

705372_discarded vintage tv.jpg (www.sass-pants.com) — According to TV survey company Nielsen, more than 6.5 million Americans still aren’t ready for the DTV transition originally scheduled to happen on February 17, 2009. As a result, 6% of Americans will see their televisions go dark when analog broadcasts cease. (source) And so, the DTV transition is being pushed back until June 12, 2009.

The reason for this absolutely baffles me. How long have we been watching these annoying DTV announcements telling us to get our $40 coupon toward our digital converter box so we don’t get left behind in February? How much hand-holding do people need?

So, rather than carry through with what they’ve been talking about for months on every network at all hours of the day, the government has decided to push back the change to all-digital broadcasts simply because 6% of American households can’t get their collective act together and manage to handle what the other 94% of us have done. And by all reports, they probably won’t do it anyway.

Even after a delay, it’s unlikely that all U.S. residents will be ready for a transition, Republicans said. It’s difficult to get more than 95 percent of people to do anything, said Representative Lee Terry, a Nebraska Republican. (source)

What’s the point of waiting? Why are we catering to the lowest common denominator here: ie, the people who failed to act on the explicit instructions and extreme advance notice they have received every time they turned on the idiot box over the last year? Why not just stick with the plan and let them either get on board or deal with, gasp, not watching television until they do?

TV is not necessary for life. It’s not like food or shelter or water or heat in the winter time. Television is a luxury.

And maybe that’s the problem. It seems that here in the US, we have begun to regard luxuries as necessities. Owning a car, owning a home, eating out, having disposable income — these are all luxuries. Being entertained at all times is a luxury. And having television in your home is a luxury.

There’s a big disconnect between Obama’s telling Americans that we need to buckle down and be grown-ups and take responsibility and then turning around and saying, “Oh, poor babies! You won’t have TV because you couldn’t follow a set of simple instructions to preserve your access to the form of entertainment to which you are so deeply addicted. Let me make it easier for you to not face the consequences of your choices by extending the deadline unnecessarily and inflicting unforeseen cost on all of the broadcasters who were ready to roll based on what we required of them.”

Dude, seriously?

President Obama, aren’t you the guy who said: “Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some but also our collective failure to make hard choices and prepare the nation for a new age”? Didn’t you also say: “What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility — a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character than giving our all to a difficult task”?

This does not bode well as the opening of our new “era of responsibility.” It doesn’t bode well at all.

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