Amateur Parenting – Page 31 – Just Admit It: You Have No Idea What You're Doing Either

Tomorrows and Yesterdays

Kristen King July 31, 2009 6 Comments

Last night I watched Gone With the Wind for what I later realized was the first time in at least six and a half years. I discerned this fact while trying to analyze why I bawled through virtually the whole thing. For a movie I’ve seen at least a dozen times, that struck me as a strange reaction…until I realized that I hadn’t seen it since (a) my brother died and (b) I got married. Why would these two events, which happened more than six and nearly five years ago, respectively, have sparked such a response? Well, I’ll tell you.

Why being married reduced me to a quivering ball of sobs throughout Gone With the Wind

Although I’ve read GWTW probably 10 times or more and seen the film even more than than, I never truly appreciated the heartbreaking dynamic of Rhett and Scarlett’s relationship. They were each so afraid of being hurt by the other that they never really allowed themselves to love fully — and thus hurt one another over and over again. The two parts that really got me were when Scarlett told him she didn’t want to have any more children (and, thus, never to have sex with her husband again, as she made abundantly clear immediately after that annoucement) and the morning after he sweeps her up the stairs and ravages her.

In the first, she’s being a petulant child. But the moment that wrenched something deep inside me was just after Rhett regained his composure following that statement. He told her he’d go elsewhere to meet his needs, sloshed some whiskey into a glass, and flung the tumbler at a life-size portrait of Scarlett after taking only a sip, clearly beside himself. And she simply didn’t care. I’m not sure which was harder to watch: her lack of real reaction to his obvious pain, or the extent to which that proclamation, that the woman he loved no longer wanted to make love to him, shook him to his core. I burst into tears. Continue reading →

An Open Letter to the Rude Teenage Boy at the Kings Dominion Wave Pool on Being a Real Man

Kristen King July 29, 2009 No Comments

swimming pool bathing suit water park swim girl bikini

Dear Rude Boy:

If you hadn’t crashed into my sister-in-law and me multiple times in the wave pool this weekend, I wouldn’t have said anything. I know what it’s like to splash around and have fun with your friends, and sometimes you get distracted and bump into someone. I get that. But when you do it repeatedly despite the fact that we’ve been consciously moving away from you, and then I see you kick a little girl in the head while you’re trying to drown your pal, it’s not inappropriate for me to do what I did.

As I’m sure you remember, the next time you came splashing toward me with no regard for the people around you, I put my hand on your back and straightened my arm to keep you from knocking me over (again). As I’m sure you’ll also remember that my exact words to you when you turned around, aghast, were, “You guys need to be more aware of your surroundings, okay? You’ve crashed into us multiple times.”

Now, what I expected you to do after that happened was to say, “Oh, sorry,” and move somewhere in the pool where there were less people. Imagine my surprise when you shot me a look before moving closer to your friend and looking pointedly at me while acting like you were talking to him and snarled, “How about if people don’t like it they move the hell out of the way.”

Here’s the thing, kiddo: We did move out of the way — more than once. And you and your pals were so self-involved that you basically terrorized the entire rear half of the pool for more than an hour. Continue reading →

The Best Advice I’ve Ever Received — Insight for Marriage, Friendship, Business, and Daily Interaction With Strangers

Kristen King July 23, 2009 7 Comments

I’ve been on a self-improvement kick of late and have been taking a hard look at myself and my life. Something that keeps coming back to me are excellent pieces of advice I’ve received over the years.

“Just because someone has a lesson to learn doesn’t mean you have to teach it to him.”
“Do what needs to be done when it needs to be done the way it needs to be done whether you feel like doing it or not.”
“When you’re wrong, admit it. When you’re right, shut up.”
“Never stop being your husband’s girlfriend or wife’s boyfriend.”

Particularly as I’ve been trying to improve my marriage to a wonderful man whom I adore by making changes to myself, I’ve realized that these brilliant recommendations apply in so many areas. How could you put them to use?

“Just because someone has a lesson to learn doesn’t mean you have to teach it to him.”

Who Said It: My mother-in-law (DH’s mom)

What It Means: Let’s face it: Some people are just jerks, and there’s nothing you can do about it. But most of the time, folks aren’t trying to be mean, annoying, inconsiderate, etc. When they do the things that drive you nuts or make you cringe, they’re just oblivious to the fact that their actions are wrong, inappropriate, or otherwise disquieting. While it sure would be nice to believe that your saying something about it would solve the problem, chances are that ain’t happening. So unless you’re in imminent danger, let it go.

Where You Can Use It: Everywhere. Whether it’s the driver who cut you off in traffic or the spouse who never manages to get his/her clothes into the hamper, is it really worth ruining your day? Some things just aren’t that important. Clearly if that guy is driving so fast he has somewhere very important to be. And clearly you care more about the little details of laundry aim than your partner does — so get out of the way and pick the clothes up yourself.

Why It’s Hard to Do Sometimes: It’s only logical that we would feel hurt and even indignation when we see wrongs being committed around us, however minor. But it’s not up to us to make decisions about other people’s intentions or “teach them a lesson” when we don’t like something they’ve done. (This, of course, does not apply to things that are dangerous or illegal, in which case we have a moral obligation to speak up, but that still doesn’t mean we have to do the teaching. We can stop at the calling-the-police. It also doesn’t apply to providing your children with appropriate loving discipline and guidance. But you knew that already.) Continue reading →

Are You the Kind of Spouse You’d Like to Be Married To?

Kristen King July 23, 2009 12 Comments

wedding rings black and white photo My fifth anniversary is coming up in September, and I’ve been asking myself this question for the last few months: Would I like to be married to me? I’m ashamed to say that, with the exception of approximately the last six or eight weeks, the answer has been no.

I don’t mean to suggest that I’m downright evil, negligent, intentionally cruel, or unfaithful. Those things aren’t me. But unfortunately what I am or, what I hope I can say with a fair level of honesty, what I have been is extremely selfish and immature. Throughout our marriage, I have put myself first instead of my husband in my decision making and attitudes. I’m still married, so largely this has worked out okay, but it is decidedly not the way to be a good wife to your husband, and it certainly doesn’t endear you to him.

One way to look at it is that I lucked out in marrying a guy who loves me and is forgiving of my stupidity. And, my friends, I have indeed been stupid. Unfortunately, the other way to look at it is that my husband wasn’t quite so lucky. Here’s one example: I fight dirty. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t have any clue where I picked up that habit, but I’m not going to name names. I will, however, tell you what I’ve been doing. Instead of pursuing making peace when there’s a disagreement, I’ve been pursuing being right. And one of the easiest ways to be right is to make the other person wrong. Continue reading →

My Dogs Are Morons and My Garage Smells Like Pee

Kristen King June 5, 2009 6 Comments

(http://kristenking.com) —The dog owners among you have probably extrapolated that the garage smells like pee because the dogs are morons. It’s been raining for days, and rather than go outside in the yard like good dogs, like the well-mannered dogs they’re supposed to be, one or both of the big dogs has taken to peeing on boxes in the garage, where it is (was!) dry. And tools. And the garbage can. And Jesse’s motorcycles.

I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to get the smell of dog urine out of concrete, but it’s neither fun nor easy. Concrete, as you know, is porous. Urine, as you also know, is a liquid. Liquid is just excellent at seeping into pores and staying there until it dries, leaving its lovely, lovely aroma behind.

Scrubbing helps, but doesn’t do the job completely. I’ve tried soaking the affected areas with pools of soapy water, bleachy water, vinegary water, straight vinegar, and Nature’s Miracle. Yet, my garage still smells like dog pee, and I’m running out of ideas.

I guess I should be proud, in a way, that the dogs have such superior problem-solving skills. They don’t like getting wet, so they stay inside but not actual inside. It’s good logic, if you’re a dog. I wish I had comparable strategic skills.